The top 10 epic songs to be epic to

Mr. Epic himself, composer Richard Wagner. Photo by nmz.de.

I spend a lot of my time choreographing intense combat sequences in my head.  It’s just something to keep my overactive imagination busy while people are trying to hold my attention with conversation or whatever.  Ever since I was introduced to Batman, my mind has been cluttered with the most elaborate ways to disarm and incapacitate a gangster.

But even the most incredible fight scene needs a fitting soundtrack.  It’s hard to do a diving roll through a skylight without some extreme music to motivate you to the appropriate level of greatness.  So, I thought to compile the 10 best songs to be a badass to.  Here they are, in descending order to the most awesome-inducing song ever:

10. “Mirror, Mirror” by Blind Guardian.  I was recently introduced to this song while surfing the Internet for more metal to blast my ears out with.  Needless to say, this song makes me want to run screaming onto the battlefield, sword in hand and heart on fire.  Don’t worry loyal readers; this list will be comprised of more than just power metal, as epic as that subgenre may be.

9. “Hysteria” by Muse.  The intro alone is what qualifies this song on my list.  Sure, the rest of the song is good, but the intro is a galvanizing force to be reckoned with.  I can just imagine plowing through a herd of zombies armed only with a baseball bat and enormous balls, driven by the precision beats of the drum-synth-electric guitar trio.

8. “Hang ‘Em High” by My Chemical Romance.  Once again, the intro of this song is the best part.  It stands out for me like a giant dressed up as an Oompa Loompa.  The old western whistle at the beginning mixed with the screeching electric guitar sets the tone for cowboy-style ass-kickery.  Clint Eastwood would curb-stomp bandits in tune with the beat of the drum.

7. “Bodies” by Drowning Pool.  As overused as this song may be, it’s still badass as all hell.  Some of you may be surprised by the fact that this is not number one, but you probably don’t spend as much time as I do searching for the perfect song to slay dragons to.  So, to put it simply, this song is rage in a sound wave, the perfect boost to reach for the nirvana of epicness.

6. “Down With The Sickness” by Disturbed.  This song would be even higher on my list if it weren’t for the disturbing verse near the end.  You know what I’m talking about.  It’s just weird.  In any case, whenever I hear this song, I imagine a kung-fu car chase through outer space.  Not much is cooler than that.

5. “Jump Around” by House of Pain.  As the only rap song on this list, you know it has to be good.  I don’t want to take list space away from my precious metal, but when you have a rap song that effectively emulates what it is like to pack heat and be manly about it, then I guess it’s worth the exception.

4. “Emerald Sword” by Rhapsody (or more recently, Rhapsody of Fire).  Power metal just sets itself up to be epic.  I can’t help it if some of the most inspiringly majestic songs sound vaguely similar.  Genre biases aside, this song has lyrics pulled straight from a Tolkien-esque novel, and is accordingly amazing in the most medieval way possible.

3. “Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce. Ok, I promise this is my last power metal song.  This song is literally a tale of fantastical bad-asses being incredibly stubborn in the face of death.  Not only does the song make the listener feel like a demolisher of mythical beasts, but also the makers of the song are quite obviously in possession of fingers of lightning.

2. “The Sound of Truth” by As I Lay Dying.  This is my favorite song in the world.  I cannot explain just how overwhelmingly tremendous this song is without physically showing you a picture of Chuck Norris giving you the thumbs up.  Yes, it is metal, so I guess I’m biased, but this song would have forcefully put itself on the list even if I had tried to leave it off.

1. “Ride of the Valkyries” by Richard Wagner.  Do I even need to explain myself?  If this song does not make you feel like a testosterone-filled sack of primal awesomeness, then you probably aren’t a big fan of crocodile wrestling or monster truck rallies.  See, I told you there wouldn’t be too much power metal.  Now go out and get your John Woo on!

 

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