Pass the Cushman: Ashland Vice

Connor Cushman, Columnist

conBetween the legalization of weed and Medford hogging all the good meth I would have thought Ashland was basically out of crimes to commit, but in light of recent crime spree of sham kidnappings and pizza delivery hold ups it would appear we’re either living in Tijuana or some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle story line. Fortunately or possibly unfortunately (I’d love to see Michelangelo nunchuck that pizza thief) there’s not a whole lot of real crime going around Ashland, unless you count parking tickets, and if you do, consider me the Scarface snorting a mountain of those orange envelopes.

But in all seriousness, despite the recent crimes I had to wonder how dangerous is it to live in Ashland? Well I took to the internet to find out what kind of town SOU is really in. According to city-data.com in the last three years you were more likely to be the victim of an arson, than to be burglarized. Also in 2003 there were 31 cases of arson in Ashland so apparently if you’re looking to protect yourself bypass the Baretta and get yourself a fire-extinguisher. Your chances of being the victim of a violent crime are 1 in 796 which is almost half the rest of Oregon’s average, as opposed the chances of you getting your car broken into which is 1 in 33. SOU student Keenan Ferrara summed it stating “I’ve never felt in danger ever” adding “the ducks in Lithia Park are kind of territorial but, yeah I feel pretty safe.”

So lock your car doors people of Ashland, have a fire escape plan, and give those ducks their space and you should be able to stay safe this year.

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