Pass the Cushman: The Scoop on Dog Poop

By Connor Cushman, Humorist

Douchefag

*Connor Cushman is a humorist for The Siskiyou. His views do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Siskiyou or Southern Oregon University.

As the son of Mastiff owners I know a thing or two about not picking up dog poop, surprisingly you can pass that stuff off as human poop and people aren’t as mad that it’s on their lawn. But as an Ashland resident I’ve become keen to a new reason people are passing on purging their dogs poop from their lawns. As of November 6th, 2014 the City of Ashland prohibited the point of sale use of plastic bags, but as of January 13th 2016 the City of Ashland is reaping the consequences of this green initiative. “I have to use whole garbage bags” says local dog owner Kyle Bayer “I’ve left for walks knowing I didn’t have a bag, sometimes nowadays you just got nothing”. And who would blame him? You can’t use that paper behemoth of a subway bag to clean up, and in a town like Ashland it would seem like there’s more weed dispensaries than dog poop bag dispensers. I’m not saying ridding this town of plastic bags is a bad thing, but I will outline some phrases Ashland residents might have to tell themselves when their dog is pooping in someone’s yard.

  1. Poop makes for good fertilizer!
  2. The plastic bag ban forced my hand, I’m really a good person!
  3. It’s a free country! Sue me!

In the end I think the city of Ashland can say they did the right thing, plastic bags account for more than a quarter of ocean, and waterway pollution and state government across the United States spends over 200 million dollars picking up litter the majority of which is plastic bags. If I have to wait for a raccoon to eat dog poop off my lawn or heaven forbid pick it up myself at least I can say it was for a good cause.

So sign me up for paper and the price I pay at the store, and to the earth murderers who are in opposition, settle in for the long haul or move to some far, far away land where they don’t speak for the trees.

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