Pass the Cushman: You Come Here Often?

Connor Cushman, Featured Columnist

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For the record: your profile picture on Tinder shouldn’t look like this.

I’m a journalist, and even though my editor would put that statement in air quotations whist mocking my tone of voice, I’ll protest it to be true. As a result, and given my keen journalistic eye, I’ve come across the startling conclusion that everyone and their dog is hittin’ each other up on Tinder for Netflix and poor decisions (I have a patent on the dog tinder app, so don’t even try it). I met my current girlfriend the old fashioned way, by staring at her until she liked me. Love at first sight, one could say. But not everyone is me, and sometimes it comes down to love at first swipe.

My journey began with an awkward survey of library goers. I asked first if they had a Tinder and second, looking them dead in the eye, why, as if I were their completely rational girlfriend. I administered the survey to ten people before I realized I was being “That Guy” so I threw caution to my sample size and went to the Internet. In my findings, 8 out of 10 SOU students have and regularly use a Tinder profile. According to Tinder’s website, over 50 million people in the US boast a Tinder profile, and there are over 12 billion swipes a day, but I like my data better.

Which brings me to my favorite survey taker, Brad. I asked Brad if he had a Tinder and he pulled that sucker up like I’d asked to see it.

“Three-hundred-eighty-five matches, dude. I’m killin’ it on Tinder.”

And I believed him. As far as I’m concerned Brad is the Michael Jordan of SOU Tinder. When I asked him why he had a Tinder I received the almost conditioned response that I received from the rest of my survey takers.

“To meet new people and have fun,” which as I found out is the polite way to say, “I’m looking for a make-out sesh with someone I just met.”

In the end, dating is hard. If it were easy I’d still be dating the love of my 6th grade life, Nicole Campbell, and we’d be going to movies without my parents’ permission, and who knows, maybe even hugging. But not everyone has the time to organically produce their own make-out sessions. So, Tinder it is. I’m sure you won’t do anything you end up regretting!

*Connor Cushman is a humorist for The Siskiyou. His views do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Siskiyou or Southern Oregon University.

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